What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?
This year I learned that everyone loves me. Evidently, I am overwhelmingly recognized as a generous, wise and loving woman! There's not a soul on Earth who doesn't acknowledge my wonderfulness, nor anyone who hasn't forgiven me for any transgressions I may have committed in the past (which, of course, is just an interjection of humor here since I am incapable of committing transgressions in the first place).
This knowledge is powerfully liberating! It has enabled me to cease all concern about what people are thinking. (I already know!)
I no longer worry if my butt looks too big (my butt is perfection) or whether my hair and makeup are in line with current trends (trends follow me).
I've saved a ton of money by easing up on those poor Joneses. They've worked so hard, the dears, to keep up with me over the years, I thought it only compassionate to give them a break during These Economic Times.
And here's the really great part. You know how every once in awhile you've thought to yourself, "Good lord, people are such idiots. If only they'd do what I tell them." Well, guess what! Everyone now does what I tell them and the world is better for it! Just look:
- Bernie Madoff got his ass whipped in jail. You're welcome, all his victims.
- David Goldman has his son back. You're welcome, David.
- The health care reform bill passed in the Senate. You're welcome America.
So if you have any burning questions about what religion to follow, which way to lean, politically or sexually, or whether to wear that shirt with those pants, just post your questions here. I'll get back to you when I'm finished polishing my tiara.