When I Am Queen
Service providers who address any group that includes a female as "you guys" shall be drawn and quartered.
People who wear hats indoors and/or sit sideways in a restaurant booth and people who fondle their electronic devices while dining or otherwise engaging in any encounter with humans will have their hat/legs/devices removed with a swift round-kick.
Anyone caught expectorating in public will get the hose.
Social etiquette will be a required course throughout a child's 12-year school career. Refresher courses required annually for adults.
Parents who speak rudely to their children and those who walk ahead of their child appearing to not give a rat's ass whether the child is still there, somewhere, behind them, will find the child gone. Gone. To Narnia.
People will be encouraged, not scolded, for addressing a woman as "ma'am." This is NOT an insulting term used to point out advanced age but rather a sign of respect, just as men may be addressed as "sir." Whoever decided otherwise is a buffoon.
Clothing companies will be required to adhere to strict sizing specifications for both men and women. No ambiguous "small-medium-large" sizing, and no vanity sizing. Simply state the length, width, and girth at the important points on a garment and let us not have to spend hours in a fitting room trying on more guilt and shame.
Got any peeves you'd like me to consider once I'm queen? Feel free to leave them in the comments and I will take them under consideration.
Now off with you.