Multiple Personality Disorder

I've decided I hate blogs. As soon as you publicize your blog - as soon as you let your family and friends know about it - you're officially screwed. You can no longer write whatever spills from your brain. The free-wheeling, expressive, no-holds-barred you that sits on your right shoulder is thenceforth whipped into submission by the diplomatic, peace-loving, for-god's-sake-don't-ever-hurt-anyone's-feelings censor that lives on your left shoulder.

To remedy this, I have personally ended up with four, count 'em, four blogs. Not counting the ones I've started and abandoned. Four is too much for me to keep up with. Plus, I find myself gnashing my teeth every time I try to write to this one that you're reading right now. This one that I've let my family and friends know about.

Odd, isn't it? I am in love with honesty. I subscribe to (what I like to think is) reality. I appreciate few things in this world more than nakedness of the soul. Yet I find myself couching every word. Maybe it's because I get to hear so much sh!t from others when I do/say/be what I think is right. Maybe it's simply because I'm a damn Gemini and can see both sides and don't want anyone to be unhappy.

All of my life I've kept a journal. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if my mom told me I had come out of the womb carrying a gel pen and a spiral notebook. When I became a computer geek and realized I could type almost as fast as I could think, I began keeping my journal on my computer. I wrote nearly every day like that for, oh, 12 odd years. (And, boy, were they odd! ba-dump-bump-chaa!) Then came the day when, with one quick, innocent click of the mouse, I accidentally wiped out those odd years. Didn't mean to. Nearly vomited when I realized I had. Didn't have a proper back-up. That's when I started journaling on the WWW. Back-up problem solved! New problem created.

So, in summary, this sucks and I do not yet know of a solution. I am not interested in writing for the general public; my writing is All About Me. Perhaps abandoning three of my blogs and keeping only the Very Top Secret one is how I will have to proceed. How boring.

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