Resolution (2009 Challenge)

Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

Every year I make the same resolution: to clean up my gutter-mouth. Every year I fail within a month. Okay, maybe a week. Okay, maybe a few hours. Oddly enough, on January 1, 2009, I said to myself, “Self, that never works, so just don’t even bother,” and I didn’t make any resolutions at all. More oddly still, I think I’ve cussed less this year than ever. I’ve certainly been aware when I did, and tried to immediately select an alternative expression like, “Fudge!” or “Dang!” or one of my favorites from Peanuts, “Good grief.”

(cartoon by Natalie Dee)

Ad (2009 Challenge)

What advertisement made you think this year?

Here's my top list of ads from 2009. These made me think - in one direction or another. You think for yourself:

#10 - Every one of the "every kiss begins with Kay" or "he went to Jared" ads.

#9 - All patient-directed pharmaceutical ads. Here's an interesting summation from UCD (although I fear Dr. Kravitz may be dipping into his own stash of samples).

#8 - All  of  Target's  2-Day  Sale  ads.

#7 - Jack-In-The-Box's "2 for 99" commercial. I just love Jack's ads.

#6 - "Sonic Drive-In's Hear Me With Your Ears ad".

#5 - PETA's banned Super Bowl ad. (NBC said it 'depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards at NBC'.)

#4 - Promo for "This Is It".

#3 - St. Jude Children's Hospital ads. All of them.

#2 - Sarah McLaughlin's Animal Cruelty ad.

#1 - The utmost WTFruit?! ad this year definitely has to be the “get your girlfriend a pap smear” campaign.

You've got to be fudgin' kidding me. And for our Jewish kin:

Listen, schmear-monger, if you want to light up my menorah, it ain't gonna happen with a speculum!

Laugh (2009 Challenge)

What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?

I was at Maria’s house. She showed me a booklet, circa 1950-something-or-other. Here’s her description of it:

It’s from the gas assoc and the title is Food Is Fun, with the scary 1950's version of the Hansel & Gretel witch on the front...however inside you find out that cooking is like dancing.... omg you made me look at it again and I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!

Okay, it was late. Okay, we'd just spent four hours lolly-gagging over margaritas at an outdoor cafe. But the recipes were hideously hilarious and the pictures hilariously hideous! Example: bananas with bacon. Note the loveliness of the finished product at the 3:00 position in this photo.

We laughed til we peed!

Stationery (2009 Challenge)

When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationery find of the year?

Is this a euphemism?

Social web moment (2009 Challenge)

Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter?


With apologies for verbing...

I do not Tweet, nor do I Facebook. Both of those are about as enticing to me as a Jump To Conclusions Mat.

Insight or aha! moment (2009 Challenge)

What was your epiphany of the year?

I need a central place to keep all my recipes. Oh yeah, there’s always the intertubes! Now if only I can find a template and the widgets I want….

Gift (2009 Challenge)

What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

This morning. In my jammies. Jacked up on coffee. Read for an hour and a half straight. Put Nutcracker on the stereo and cranked it to 11. Cooking up a storm.

I am in my element.

And if you’re wondering, yes, it will keep on giving once this killer mac & cheese hits my perfect butt.

Learning experience (2009 Challenge)

What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

This year I learned that everyone loves me. Evidently, I am overwhelmingly recognized as a generous, wise and loving woman! There's not a soul on Earth who doesn't acknowledge my wonderfulness, nor anyone who hasn't forgiven me for any transgressions I may have committed in the past (which, of course, is just an interjection of humor here since I am incapable of committing transgressions in the first place).

This knowledge is powerfully liberating! It has enabled me to cease all concern about what people are thinking. (I already know!)

I no longer worry if my butt looks too big (my butt is perfection) or whether my hair and makeup are in line with current trends (trends follow me).

I've saved a ton of money by easing up on those poor Joneses. They've worked so hard, the dears, to keep up with me over the years, I thought it only compassionate to give them a break during These Economic Times.

And here's the really great part. You know how every once in awhile you've thought to yourself, "Good lord, people are such idiots. If only they'd do what I tell them." Well, guess what! Everyone now does what I tell them and the world is better for it! Just look:

• Bernie Madoff got his ass whipped in jail. You're welcome, all his victims.  


• David Goldman has his son back. You're welcome, David.  


• The health care reform bill passed in the Senate. You're welcome America.

So if you have any burning questions about what religion to follow, which way to lean, politically or sexually, or whether to wear that shirt with those pants, just post your questions here. I'll get back to you when I'm finished polishing my tiara.

Web tool (2009 Challenge)

It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.

I immersed myself in RSS technology this year. Google has made it very easy with Reader and I love it!

I now RSS about 70 different blogs, funnies, news topics, etc. At this point, I don’t know what I’d do without it! Well, actually, I do know. I would lay in bed, curled in the fetal position, humming to myself about all or those interesting, thought-provoking, cute and/or hilarious ones and zeros swishing through the intertubes that I would be missing out on cuz I just couldn’t possibly remember what sites to check every day!

Startup (2009 Challenge)

What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?

Well, I can't claim to have just found it this year, but I must say I have to give some mad props to whoever thought up monkey business. Genius!

Project (2009 Challenge)

What did you start this year that you're proud of?

This is a great topic for me. As you know, I'm all about the projects!

The year began with completion of one of the most significant DIY projects of my life (aside from making my kids). Bill and I completed work on our second investment house in the Fall of 2008, and in the first month of 2009 we managed to get it rented to a great couple. Even though our tired, old bodies are still suffering as a result of the work on those two houses last year, we couldn't be happier!

In spite of aching backs and arms, we wanted to buy another investment house right away, but it just wasn't to be. So I began fixing up my own house instead and - oh my - there is so, so much to do!

I've managed to get the dilapidated back yard fence replaced. Steve rebuilt the filter and waterfall for the pond. We've done a little primping here and there in the front yard, just to keep things presentable while that portion awaits more of our attention.

Over the winter, I'm focusing on the interior. I'm about halfway through repainting all the kitchen cabinets, finally covering the purple that was applied to the cabinet doors against my wishes. Now the cabinets are a beautiful, neutral cappuccino color inside and out. Voila - fresh and clean!

When that's finished, we'll repaint the purple back splash / dining room wall in a soft, mossy green. Then I'll tackle the flooring, replacing the old, ugly, cracked vinyl flooring with cork plank flooring, and, of course, the baseboards. That's an adventure in itself, since X flippin' GLUED THEM ON. You don't want to hear the blue language coming from the kitchen while I'm hacking and whittling, trying to free them from the base of the cabinets.

When this phase is complete, I'll probably start looking into new counters, sink and fixtures. With the new windows that are scheduled to be installed mid-January, I think it'll all look really great.

Thennnn....when the kitchen is done....I'll turn my attention on the bathrooms. They're both functional, but with wall coverings and fixtures that are nearly 30 years old, it's time.

Can you tell I'm all about the projects?
Didn't I warn you?

Meanwhile, I've been making drawings so that when The Universe drops about $100k in my lap (which, of course, it will), we'll dig a new pond, add a hardscape deck and hot tub, smoosh the two small bathrooms into one large one, and build out to add a new master suite and a den/office.

It'll be epic.

New person (2009 Challenge)

She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

If I was writing about 2008, this would be a no-brainer. But this blog challenge is all about reflection on 2009 and, for the life of me (I've been mulling this over since Friday morning), I cannot think of one person I would call an "unsung hero" in my life over this past year.

Maybe it's because of the subjective value placed on the word "hero." Maybe it's because I tend to sing out loud when I think it's warranted. Anyway, I don't think anyone's gone unsung, tra-la, tra-la.

Car ride (2009 Challenge)

What did you see? How did it smell? Did you eat anything as you drove there? Who were you with?

I'm growing weary of these odd writing prompts. Sorry, but "car ride"? Really? Okay, let's see...

I guess the best car ride of this past year was when I took Brooke and Koby down to Fullerton to visit with Spike. It was Brooke's first time meeting him, and it was great watching the two kids have some good, quality time with him. So the ride there, and the ride back, was filled with a sense of peace, satisfaction and loving thoughts. Plus, we got to see Landon for a quick visit on the way back.

Shop (2009 Challenge)

Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Those who know me in the slightest know that I am not a "mad money" kind of girl. My financial shenanigans are about as exciting as your grandfather's story about how much a loaf of bread cost in 1942.

I am an ant. Okay, not so much with all that "working hard" or "worrying" stuff, but I do put my back into planning for the future. A number of people have graciously offered to live with me when they're old, which is fine, just so long as they make it a mutually beneficial arrangement, if ya know what I mean.

My largest expenditures this year involved real estate, mutual funds and charity. See? Told you I wasn't exciting.

Word or phrase (2009 Challenge)

A word that encapsulates your year. "2009 was _____."

Turbulent

An amusement park at midnight.

You want it to be fun but you're disoriented by an image of what you thought was yourself.

You're frozen by the scream of a roller coaster bearing down on you.

The clowns have reinvented themselves. They're no longer merely troublesome but have become utterly savage.

In the moonlight, things are not quite what they seem.

In the dark no one listens when you scream.

Tea of the year (2009 Challenge)

I can taste my favorite tea right now. What's yours?

In the little town of Folsom, there is a Mexican restaurant we like very much. They make the most awesome Long Island Ice Tea! Best flavor, perfect size, and most bang for your buck.

Just let us know the date and time. We'll meetcha there!

Best packaging (2009 Challenge) / Update to Best Blog

Did your headphones come in a sweet case? See a bottle of tea in another country that stood off the shelves?

This year's award for superb packaging goes to ........badadadada....(that's a drum roll)..... Soap Hope!

There are many reasons they are an excellent company, but for purposes of this blog post, I will happily tell you that they use what they call "ugly boxes." As long as the product arrives safe and sound, it doesn't matter what the packaging looks like, right? It's kind of like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree of packaging.

If you haven't checked out Soap Hope before, now's the time!

------------------------------------

I would like to add a post script to December 7th's entry. I've just discovered Flash Fiction 365. This blog is written by Jason Long, a youing father who lives nearby. He uses title suggestions from readers.and then rolls a pair of Dungeons and Dragons dice to come up with a number from 11 to 88. Then he writes a short story with that many words about that particular topic.

Flash Fiction 365 was born on Jan. 1 of this year. He was inspired by the six-word story, attributed to Ernest Hemingway, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

I will most definitely read all 365 entries. So far I've read backwards only through December, but I'm taking my time and will savor every mini-story like the perfect ganache at the center of a perfect truffle.

Rush (2009 Challenge)

When did you get your best rush of the year?

How sad...and at the same time rather emo. I cannot think of a thing.

Home (2009 Challenge)

What's the best change you made to the place you live?

I want to say something noble about improving the globe, feeding the hungry, clothing the (unintentionally) naked, yadda, yadda, but don't you think this blog deserves an honest response? Taking back my turf, which involved a fair amount of late but necessary personal growth, was truly the best change.

Those who know me well know that I'm a people-pleaser. Generally speaking, if it makes you happy, I'll throw myself in front of a train. Over the decades, this has resulted in a goodly number of railroad track shaped scars. Who can say why some of us learn to be whole when we're 2, 5 or 10, and others take half a century or more? If we're lucky, though, or smart, or diligent, we learn. And if we're really good, we learn how to stand our ground without being complete bitches. That is my quest.

New food (2009 Challenge)

You're now in love with Lebanese food and you didn't even know what it was in January of this year.

While in Van Nuys visiting my Armenian cousin, she and her husband took us to an Armenian-owned market. Wow - I was in heaven! We just don't have enough of an Armenian population in Sacramento to have a really good selection of Armenian restaurants or markets. We bought a bottle of Raki, a tray of paklava, and some sujukh (the sweet kind).

The sujukh we bought consisted of walnuts threaded on a string, then dipped in thick grape syrup. The consistency is like a thick fruit roll-up. You can see sujukh on the right in his photo. Looks rather majestic hanging like that, doesn't it? Well the package we bought looked kind of like logs of poo. Steve, my 55 year old 9 year old, had no end of poo-related comments to make. I just ignored him and reveled in its not-too-sweet taste, chewy consistency, and, of course, the cellular memory thrill I always feel when reveling in my culture.